kenape perlu ade sacrifices?

dulu mase zaman kanak-kanak dulu,saya tak pernah terpikir ape itu pengorbanan ape lagi untuk saya merasenya,zaman kanak-kanan pegi berlalu saja seperti itu,hanya lekat di ingatan adalah perasaan riang yang masih terlekat di dalam kotak ingatan.tapi sekarng saye dah besar,saye belajar untuk melihat dan merase,saye merase suka,duka,perit dan pengorbanan.saya melihat orang disekeliling melalui semua itu dan pada satu ketika giliran saya pula memikul semua itu,merasakan semua keperitan dan keriangan hidup.

ape itu sacrifices??kenape perlu ade dalam hidup??sepatutnya tak perlu ade,sebab ia sangat perit untuk diharungi,kenape bile sacrifices mesti orang yang kita sayang tergolong dalam mereka yang berikan pengorbanan tu?

tapi bile dipikirkan semula itu adalah hidup.kenape ibu berkorban untuk melahirkan anak,kerane itu sacrifices sebagai seorang ibu kepade anaknya,kenape bapa sanggup bekerja siang malam,tak kira susah atau penat sebab itu pengorbanan dia untuk mencari duit untuk keluargenye,kenapa ibu satu-satunya orang yang sanggup bertukar nyawa dengan anaknya,sebab itu pengorbanan ibu yang membawa kita dalam perutnya selame 9 bulan,dia tahu betape peritnya,gembiranya dan sakitnya untuk melahirkan anak sebab itu dia tak akan sia-sia kan pengorbananya.kenapa kakak/abang sanggup berokban untuk adik-adik dia,sebab itu adalah darah daging dia,kenapa pasangan hidup kita sanggup berkorban semata-mata untuk melihat senyuman di bibir kita kerana itu adalah kasih sayang,kenapa ibu sanggup menelan segale masalah yang dilakukan oleh anaknya,dan masih boleh memberi kata-kata semangat kerana itu adalah kasih sayang seorang ibu yang sanggup buat apa saja untuk mengebirakan anaknya,dan kenapa kakak/abang sanggup menahan segala kepayahan untuk menjage adik-adiknya kerana itu adalah tanggunjawab dan kasih sayang mereka kepade orang yang mereka sayang.

despite from all the sacrifices those are the reason that make us live,we just cant get away from it,that is what we call life.

aliya rahim

drunk!

I’m drowning in my own life and emotion. Let me die with it, let me be drunk in it

sorry seems the hardest words to say

"egos'

dia dan saye

rauf : so camne korang boleh kenal nih??cube cerite sikit?? kitorang semua bile dapat tau si gile nih dah couple sume tekejot tau tak sume tak caye je.ia la sebab si gile ni memang dah lame tak couple nak dengan perempuan pun tak,so semua memang tak sangke yang akhirnye dia couple gak.

saye : hahhahhahaa..tah la..


dia : u cerite la sambil menghisap strow untuk menelan air coke dan hanya senyuman di bibir.

saye : membalas senyuman dia,sambil ketawa kecil dan sedaya- upaya menyusun perkaan untuk memulakan cerita.


hummmm,actually kitorang tak kenal pun kat collage,(dia mencelah)aku memang tak kenal langsung budak kecik nih.disambut ketawa kecil saye.haha memang pun,masing-masing tak kenal pun.just aku tau la budak-budak perempan kat collage cakap,ade this junor sangat boleh tahan la muke and badan perh..kalau hug memang sedap la.haha..tau2 je la life dekat asrama gosip selalu berleluase,saya hanya memberi telinge untuk mendengar celoteh-celteh cik kiah dan cik mah serta sewaktu denganya.tapi tak penah aku amik tau,nak tahu name dia ape and nak mengedik tahu muke dia macam mane.bile orang cerite just haaa...sape??ahhh..ok2 gi mampos la dia.just know je la ade junor yang memang boleh dikatekan all the girls kat collage idamkan.ape diorang cerite sekadar masuk telinge kanan keluar telinge kiri.dah lame-lame baru tahu name dia ape but still tak tahu muke dia yang mane satu,aku ni bukan la jenis-jenis ornag yang nak memcapap dekat cafe semate-mate nak meninjau lelaki-lelaki yang macam sakai je kat collage tu,kalau korang nak tahu si gile nih memang ramai gile orang nak,perh..list name dia tak yah cakap la panjang tuh..haha..aku sememangnya suke menyakat dia.


dia : ehh..budak kecik nih nak kene dah ni,sambil tesipu-sipu malu depan rauf and gf dia..haha saye hanya sambut dengan ketawa.

sambung semula,so start cuti sem lepas baru we all start kenal,itu pun through myspace,si gile ni add aku,but at that time dah tau la dia siapa,the guy that people always talkng about.tu pon tau time nak dekat cuti sem dah.baru lah tahu muke dan name nye sekali tapi tidak termasuk nama bapak sekali.so bile dah tahu tu buat bodo je la,sebab aku dulu pernah tegur dia dekat machap hentian rehat yang macam gile sakai tak sedap,tapi memandangkan hanya mara liner sahaja bus yang ade dekat penawar tuh,tepakse la naik and satu-satunye hentian rehat diorang dekat machap,so nak tak nak kene lah turun jugak.minggu tu tak ramai yang balik on weekend,so aku nih memang jenis friendly and muke tak malu.mase tu budak-budak collage yang balik sume lepak sekali,so aku pun join la,that time 1st time aku tegur dia.tapi mak ai bapak sombong gile dia,aku ni dah tau semua yang dekat situ orang KL and memandangkan dia new comer aku pun tanye la,kl duduk dekat mane tapi reaction dia gile sombong cakap dengan aku pun tak pandang muke,dalam hati aku dah membuak-buak cakap,perh..gile kerek budak junior nih even umor kite same pun tapi tak payah la nak kerek.

so aku pun lagi malas lah nak tau2 pasal junior dah,walaupun aku memang tak pernak ambil tau sebelum ni,so tak ade bende yang akan menarik minat aku untuk tahu pun.then mase sem break tu,memadangkan tak ade bende nak buat jadi on9 tengah-tengah malam tiap-tiap hari memang rutin seharian aku.tibe-tibe one night ni tengok-tengok si gile ni add aku,mula-mula tu teragak-agak jugak nak approve or ingnore.tapi hati tergerak kata nak approve,so i approve then every things start here.nak kate aku regularly comment dia tak jugak and most of our conversation is about study then dia banyak tanye aku pasal subject sem 2.memang aku tak penah terpikir nak flurt dengan dia,my only intention is only to be friendly je dengan budak collage.after that kitorang start im myspace then si gile ni pun mintak ym aku,from there kitorang start merapu macam-macam,we laugh,we make jokes,teasing each other and from there i know that his not what as i though his funny and tak sombong.even we are always ym but neither of us did not exchange phone number and my intention is only to be a friend.we dont show any interest at all towards each other,infact we talk about our personal life and crush that we had to other person.

but then i had to go back early to collage,so one of kawan dia tahu yang kitorang start knowing each other and kawan dia pun rasenye dapat agak where are we end up next and time berYM dengan dia,aku offer la nak jual buku second hand,buku-buku aku mase sem 2.so dia pun interested nak beli,tapi ape kepunye bodoh nye kitorang still tak excahange phone number lagi,padahal tau nak buat pengurusan jual beli nanti.nampak sangat kitorang tak ade interest langsung nak flurt-flurt sesame sendiri,so aku terserempak dengan kawan dia dekat cafe,kawan dia pun balik collage awal,then kawan dia panggil aku cakap si gile tanye pasal buku,haaa..aku pun nak bebincang jugak pasal tu dengan dia,jadi time tu la baru aku amik number dia tu pun dekat kawanya bukan melalui dia.so after berape hari masuk sem baru sebab bosan tengah-tengah malam and dia teman bebual dan merapu aku mase tu dan dia juga peneman aku bile k tak dapat tido.so we all start msg on the hp memandangkan tak boleh nak on9.then bile we all start msg we just couldn’t stop and aku start suke dekat dia,tapi try seboleh-boleh nye nak mengelak ade perasaan tu,sebab aku janji dekat diri aku nak single sampai habis diploma and i just not ready to have another relationship lagi,but then bile makin lame kenal dia aku dah tak boleh mengelak lagi aku memang dah suke dekat dia,after 2 month we've been friends then we finally declare.

rauf : humm..kalau kau nak tahu si gile ni,memang pemalu dia memang tak reti nak becakap dengan perempuan,tu lah bile semua tahu si gile ni dah couple semua kecoh nak tahu and nak kenal dengan kau.

saye : haahahah..dia memang pemalu,suke blushing,hahaha..tengok tu telinge dah merah sudah! haha..sambil mengusap telinge dia.

dia : hanya mampu tersenyum dan memandang tepat ke arah mata saye.

sepanjang aku knowing him,dia sangat berbeze with what i though of him from the 1st imperssion mase dekat machap tu.dia tak sombong pun,dia sangat kelakar and gile sebab itulah saye panggil dia si gile,memang otak kitorang boleh ngam,kalau dulu aku selalu cakap dekat kawan2 and mama yang aku tak akan,couple dengan budak same collage and mase aku dah makin rapat dengan dia aku tak pernah mengaku yang dia budak collage aku,if ade kawan2 yang menyakat aku,aku always said that dia bukan budak KPM dia budak cheras la.haha macam orang selalu cakap bende yang kite tak nak tu lah bende yang kite akan dapat.now i belive that and now baru sikit demi sikit aku terime hakikat dia budak collage aku,tapi aku ingatkan after we all together dah tak ade orang akan pertikaikan kitorang together,tapi hakikatnye masih ade, mase we all rapat people start notic and pertikaikan kenape,macam mane aku boleh end up dengan dia,memang sakit hati dengar tapi dia selalu sejukkan hati aku.itulah si gile sentiase akan jage aku,dia selalu ingat kan aku untuk sabar,sebab sabar tu bende yang paling menajubkan dalam dunia.dia tak sombong seperti aku ingat kan dia dulu,dia peneman aku untuk tido dan dialah orang pertame yang akan risaukan aku kalau aku sakit.

again

mama always said to me that,things happened for a reasons.every single things in this life have already been written and god only show us the way to begin it.i always have this thoughts of mine that make me believe,give me strength, and courage in what that im doing.every each of us,has our own belief and trust.to me to love some one is easy but to falling in love and to have them the rest of your life is difficult,mama said that find some one that love you so much but not other way around that you the one love them so much.but if both love each other equally then you are the perfect match perhaps.i always have this thoughts that when ever im in relationship,i say to my self that the next guy is the one for me and i will spend the rest of my life with him,but there's just to much obstacles in this world,i dont blame it,if it dont work out.that's just part of life that we learn from if,i've once read this quote that 'love some one like you're never fall in love,cry like you never cried before and hurt like you never felt the pain' but at the end you move on and start all over again.i've been hurt before and i've fall in love before but neither of that stop me from doing it,even it's the most painful and the most memorable but both did teach me life of being adult.before this i wrote how hurt i am and how hard for me to let go of my ex.as day by day i've learn to move on and put all of the sadness behind me in order to live my life to the fullest and find my new journey in life.my dearest friend told me once that im lucky cause what she's see that guys are easy come and easy go to me.the truth no i dont agree with that,finding life partner to me ain't that easy job,is not a clothes that on sale in department store neither an accessory that once you bord you can change it with the new pattern.life partner to me that some one you share every things together,your secrets that never be told to any one,the fear that you scared the most,some one you love and willing to spend the rest of your life with till the end of your life time,that life partner to me.

life moved on that's what i learned,learned to let things behind.i know that when ever you hurt with relationship,we always end up saying that,we've give up with love bla bla bla..so much more.i've been there,i've said that and now things just change.yes..i have found a new love and a new partner in life that is my one and only sunshine.i agreed with what kak wai once said to me before.the more you escape from having it,the more we are close to having it.so how ironic it is right?funny you know cause i always,always said to my closes friend and mama that i would never ever date a guy from the same collage that i've studied.now i am dating with one of the them and im proud to say that i really,really in love with him.one think,i thank god cause giving me knowing all those guys in my life before i meet shafiq.without knowing them first i would never will end up with him,even how hurt,sad and how much tears i waste before for those guys but at the end it's worth.im not saying that knowing them would be wasted,if none of them in my life before,this life that im having right now it won't be this prefect,i won't be this complete.every each of them teach me how to create my own life and my own dreams.having shafiq in my life now is the happiest and im glad that his the one that im being with.

you know it's really funny actually how we meet,we never knew that,we are in the same collage and neither one of us knew each other.so the last sem break we started knew each other but on myspace.hahaha..cyber world makes us falling in love towards one another.so we chat all the time through ym,get to to know one another,laugh a lot,joking around even i know that im falling in love with him at that time,but the main interest of mine is just to be friend with him,and being friendly cause of in the same collage and same courses.i never intent to ask his number or any personal stuff of his.we've been friends around 2 month until then we make the next step.how odd it is things been set around in our life.all i can say that fate bring us together.what can i say about shafiq??hurmm..his great and i love him,and for sure i will never let him go in my life.he has great sense of humor,his charming,kind,have a great smile,caring and overprotected,shy,crazy and imperfect but at the end those imperfection that makes him so perfect to me.i dont want any one in my life only him,my sunshine cause his the one that give me light of happiness.i love you my dear till the end of my life :)

babi punye penyakit

2 days of quarantine,1 day warded and 1 week of recovering at home = tired.
this is all because H1N1,thank god im only suspected and my blood test result was negative..fuhh..that relift.perh..first time in my life kne msok hosptl kerajaan..& tell the truth scry gile tau tak..da la kne msok kt ceruk mane tah..hosptl kota tinggi,johor..perh..mng nk melalak jgak la mlm 2..tp kne deal jgak la..mlm 2 jgak mama btlak frm KL amik aku.hehhehehe..thank god..ni la slah satu sebab yg tak suke bdan2 kerajaan..sbb drng lembab n suke amik bnde smbil lewa,bkn nk mngcil kn org melayu tp ni la hakikat,as we all know mng bdan kerajaan nih melayu& ble dlm kelompok2 melayu nih mng akn ader sikap yg amil lewa ni..i know that im also melayu n im proud to be one,but im trying to chage my self & phaman org melayu yg suke leka & xpnah nk berubah.still dgr prngai kuno yg lame 2..i know certain things that we cant change but now we live in morden life style,im not saying that we have to change evry things,but at least open wide ur mind and be open with the new things.so back to sikap melayu yang suke amik lewa ni,cause of most the attde that we keep on living & prctickan,lagi2 dlm hosptl kerjaan,lagi2 yg nurse2 pkje bwhan 2...suke ati mulot drng je nk ckp ape n lyan mcm ape je..im not saying all of gov worker is rude n unedcted..but most of them are.i also hav aunty's & uncle's that worked in gov sector & they really did a gud job..

tp dsbab kn segelintir yg msih ader sikap mcm 2,so jdilah hsptal2 krjaan ni lgi dgruni oleh orng rmai,trmsuklah saye..i have so many alrgies & mse kne admted 2 da siap briefing lgi kt doct n nurse2 ape yg aku bley & tak..tp dsbab kn prngai2 yg amik keje smbil lewe ni la,drng dah tslap bgi ubt kt aku,xnk plak habis muke,mate aku bngkak2 n merah2 sbb alrgic raction 2..pas 2 plak ble cmplnt ckp kne alrgic rection bley plak si mangkok nurse 2 ckp ni bkn alrgic,ni bngkak bru bngon tido,hoi..mak cik ko bute ke ape..aku tau la ni alrgic,pas 2 dia plak bley ckp..abis 2 da tau alrgic nape g mkn...ehhh..mng nk je kn aku maki ckup2..ckp $*^#_!($&&_(..tp sbb dia lgi tua saye pn berdiam dri.come on la,what do u expct in the middle of the nite at 5 a.m dia kjot kn aku tdo suh mkn ubt,ngn mamai2 2 aku pn mkn r..aku tnye ubt pe dia kate pndol,so pndol mng aku bley mkn..da la smpai kt hsptl 2 aroun 1 pgi lpas2 stle sume msok wad dlm kol 2 lbh nk msuk kol 3...then dgn bengong2 skit 2 kol 5 da kne kjot..ape ke bodo nye tak kan r..aku nk blek dlu ubt 2 b4 aku mkn..how should i know im not a doct or nurse,nk prctise mdcal lgi la tak..aku amik logistic xde kne mngne ngn medic..

so as a lesson,mng aku da serik nk msuk hsotl krjaan!...
smpai 2 day bngkak2 kt mate still tak surut lgi sbb alrgic rction 2..
da msuk 5 ari dah...

fuck!

harinya sudah tiba,aku perlu pulang ke pangkal jalan!hahah..
tempat jin bertendang,tempat yang konon2 nye akn maju tp mcm cipan je..
sem ni da msuk sem 3
lgi 3 sem habis lah!..yeyey..tp jgn pkir abis je..ble aku nk dpt COPA plak nih??
bley2..this sem wat tol2..kne wat elok2 nnt nk g berunai keje ngn pakcik arab 2..hahha
n dpt aku kawin ngn ank dia yg bakal doct!
perh..mcm la dia igt aku lgi nnt..

ok la..nk siap2 dah btolak ke johor!
write again later..
muaahhhh..,love aliya